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8/16/19

Wherever I Go

A reminder of the task at hand- moving into intimacy or 'oneness' with Triune God, as seen in Psalm 139. There’s a hidden identity in you; You may have superpowers hiding in there. God knows who you are. He has a process for you to discover who you are too.

Where could I go from your Spirit? Where could I run and hide from your face? If I go up to heaven, you’re there! If I go down to the realm of the dead, you’re there too! If I fly with wings into the shining dawn, you’re there! If I fly into the radiant sunset, you’re there waiting! Wherever I go, your hand will guide me; your strength will empower me. It’s impossible to disappear from you or to ask the darkness to hide me, for your presence is everywhere, bringing light into my night. There is no such thing as darkness with you. The night, to you, is as bright as the day; there’s no difference between the two.

Psalm 139:7-12- TPT

It’s been three weeks since I last wrote in this weekly journal. Where did I go? Weaved into my life is this “thing” called ADHD. I have treatment for it. But my life habits don’t always fit into a tidy routine, such as writing a weekly journal. Many guys I know through recovery also have this as part of their makeup. Until I got a handle on it, it was a source of shame in my life. ADHD affects the executive function of the brain. Mine is particularly good at hyper-focusing and becoming inattentive.

When I set a goal to do a weekly journal, I knew that weekly to me meant there would be time gaps sometimes. I cycle through times of forgetfulness. For decades this would spiral me into a shame-guilt-self esteem-busting time. I would eventually dig myself out. The voices of my past- teachers, parents, bosses, etc. would reanimate in my mind, and I could hear them telling me how lazy I am. How disappointing I am. How I don’t apply myself enough. How I start strong and then don’t finish. The statements are many. Very affirming- to my shame-based lifestyle. That has changed through years of coming to grips with living as me. I now know that PapaGod delights in me before any action or inaction on my part He declares his love for me. He affirms me. I can receive that love and affirmation and not to automatically discount it as platitudes.

How appropriate are these words in this part of Psalm 139, “Where could I go from your Spirit?” Then there’s a list of places where God can be found. He is found, and He is waiting. He is there! God is everywhere! My version of the psalm that I live out is that when I get lost in my hyper-focused thoughts, He’s there. When my attention flies with wings into another zip code, he is there. When I find myself in the darkness of my thoughts, His presence brings in light.

We all have struggles. The depth of the struggles, many times, are carried alone. Except, He interrupts those lonely places. He inhabits those depths. He woos us to him and empowers us. He also is found in the honest friendships that touch our hearts. He's found in the community of strugglers that brave the inner demons and grow into wholeness. How about you? Do you see God as this Psalm sees him? Do you find Him wherever you are? Does his guiding hand hold yours? We would love for you to share your experiences.